|
|
| Online Dating Safety Tips |
| |
Online dating is the best possible way to meet fantastic people who share your interests and passions.
Every year, tens of thousands of people get married as a result of meeting on an online dating service.
Millions of people are doing it and, in general, online dating is regarded as a safe medium for meeting potential dates.
Your online dating safety begins with educating yourself on how to improve your experience and be safe doing it.
Do not give out personal information online
Personal information that would let someone find you offline would never be shared online.
Your full name, where you work, where you live, your phone number, these should not be shared online.
Use an online dating service that uses an anonymizer or re-mailer to mask your real e-mail, or set up a Hotmail or
other free account just for dating online. Online romance can quickly turn to online-chat - it is better to be able to terminate
that particular account than to have to set up a new main account, and notify everyone you know.
Take your time - do not rush into things
Take your time to try to get to know the person online first. Everyone can put their best cyber-foot forward in the first
couple of e-mails. Being consistent is tougher. Make sure you keep the old e-mails to compare the information they give you.
In one e-mail, they might tell you they work for the postal service, in another that they are a student -
make sure you check out these inconsistencies. They could be taking night classes, or they could just as easily be lying.
Do not be rushed, and do not rush the other person. Let the relationship develop online until you are comfortable with
each other - take your time. Ask your friends - sometimes they are not blinded by the same rose-colored glasses you might be.
What you considered cute might ring differently to them. This might seem like dating by committee, but it helps you keep perspective.
Especially when we have been hurt before, we think that we have now found the perfect checklist for a partner.
When we see these points in the other person, we forget to explore the other points.
Life is more than satisfying a "how tall are you, where do you live (geographically-desirable),
if they want or don't want children, or have or don't have children, how much they earn,
what religion they are and whether they like romantic movies and Touched by an Angel..." checklist.
Values, experience and all the baggage we carry needs to be explored - this takes time. Give it the time it deserves.
Honesty is the best policy
When you go to one of those dating site, they ask you your height, weight, religion, income...lots of personal stuff.
In addition, maybe you are not as thin, tall or make as much money as you want to.
Maybe you have not been to church or a temple or mosque in thirty years.
Maybe you are afraid that if you tell them your mother is living with you
(or even more embarrassing, that you are still living with your mother...) no one will want you.
However, if you start out lying, you will be caught, eventually. If you want to shave a few pounds off,
or use an older picture...okay. Nevertheless, confess once you think the person might be more than a one-time romance.
Do not bait and switch, it's the surest way to end a promising relationship.
This is not the time to explore your fantasies of being a different person than you are...save that for later.
Start with a phone call
You should move from fantasies and chatting online to a phone call before you meet offline in person.
The safest way to do this is by using a public phone. Set up a time for the call, and give the other person the
telephone number of the public phone. Once you are comfortable enough, you can share real phone numbers,
but make sure you have caller ID service. If things go sour, you can always block their calls.
It also lets you know what their number really is. If they block your caller ID, do not accept their calls.
Meet in a Public Place
When it's time to schedule that first exciting face-to-face meeting, arrange to meet in a public place.
Meet in a mall, fast-food restaurant, well known coffee place. Plan for a short first time get together.
Tell other party in advance that your first meeting will be just for a few minutes, so they will understand.
Treat this as a blind date, only with more care. In a blind date someone you know knows this person,
in a online-dating situation, no one really knows this person. If they insist on meeting you alone, do not go.
Then compare what this person told you about himself or herself online - does it match reality? If not, find someone else.
When going to meeting place, use your own transportation - never accept an offer to be picked up at your house or "given-a-ride" to some location.
Your initial meeting will tell you a lot about the other person, including whether or not he/she lied in their profile.
Your gut instincts will kick in. Make sure your friend or family member knows where you are at and who you are with.
Never leave or go home with them
You can extend the meeting to dinner or anything else in a public place. However...PUBLIC is the operative word here.
Remember when your mother told you never to get into a car with a stranger?
Do not go home with them, to a private place of any kind...not for a while.
Take this slow, even if you are not used to taking dating slow...this is special.
Tell a friend
Make sure someone knows whom you are meeting, where you are going and when you are coming back.
(Someone other than the person you take with you.)
Store all of the e-mail conversations, and let your friend know where to find them.
If anything goes wrong, they will be the source of information on how to locate the person you have been chatting with.
Report attacks or threats to law enforcement
If things go wrong, whether you followed the rules or not, do not be embarrassed to go to the police.
Give them all the facts. If you do not report this person, they in all likelihood will do it again.
You are allowed to say "no" and have it respected. If anything goes wrong, it is not your fault.
Make sure you're using a reputable online dating service or chat
Make sure they do not share your real e-mail address.
If you have personal web-site, make sure it does not contains personal information.
Make a copy of the message, and keep copies of anything you found offensive so they can check it out.
Try not to make your online conversations provocative.
Flirtation escalates quickly and it is almost impossible to step back to a less amorous level.
Trust Your Gut Instinct
Your instinct is a powerful medium for knowing when something doesn't feel right.
It is also a great way to measure when to move forward with someone and when to turn and run. As you read profiles,
responses to emails, have phone conversations, and meet in person your instincts help tell you if something is "right" or
if something is out of alignment. The "out of alignment" message is your cue to be careful, back off, or
proceed with extreme caution. Trust your gut instinct, it's the most powerful psychological tool you have at your disposal.
Don't Provide Personal Information Too Soon
Your home phone number and full name provide easy ways to track who you are and where you live.
Armed with just your home phone number, a person can easily gain access to your income information, home address,
and even learn the value of your home. Armed with your first and last name, a person can do searches to determine
quite a bit of information on you - where you work, what you do, and even what your home phone number is.
So in the initial stages of communication, guard your personal information.
Use a Free Email Account
If you decide to move your communication from the anonymous email feature provided by the majority of online
dating services then provide an email address that isn't your regular one.
Sign up for a free Yahoo!, Hotmail, or Gmail account that you use just for online dating.
Don't put your full name in the From field - only your first name or something else.
This protects you from a person being able to search your normal email address to find out more information about you.
Use Anonymous Phone Service to chat
Never give out your personal cell phone or home phone numbers.
Take advantage of online calling such as "Skype", or use an anonymous phone service.
It's just an added protection barrier until you get to know the person better.
Beware of Married People
It's unfortunate, but a lot of married people do use online dating services. They'll even go as far as to meet people.
A few years ago, MSNBC reported that a study found that up to 30% of people using online dating services are married!
To help you in determining whether a person is married or not, read the Online Dating Magazine article,
"Staying Clear of Married Men"
Look for Questionable Characteristics
As you chat via email and on the phone you may be able to start to pick out characteristics of the other person.
Are they controlling? Do they seem to anger easily? Do they avoid some of your questions?
These can be questionable characteristics that tell you it's time to move on.
Ask for a Recent Photo
There's nothing wrong in asking someone if their photos are recent. If they don't have a photo, request a recent one.
It's important for you to get a good look at the person you may eventually meet.
Plus your instincts from your communications and their photos may provide you with valuable insight into the person.
Plus, if they tell you the photo is recent and you meet and see a major difference,
then you'll know the person lied and can cut the date short. If a person lies about their photo or profile then that
is a red flag to no longer pursue the relationship.
Don't Get a False Sense of Security
Some online dating services claim to offer "background checks" and when signing up for such a service you may find it
easier to let your guard down. Don't. Laws differ from state-to-state when it comes to background checks and
there are even several states where checks can't be effectively performed. Because of the inconsistency,
criminals / wrong-doers can and do get into services that do "background checks". Never let your guard down.
Don't be embarrassed to insist on the rules
Your safety is the most important thing. Anyone who cares about you will respect you for being careful.
Safe online-dating, like safe sex is just smart! Although we hope that the person you meet online is your true soul mate,
we want to make sure you are safe. It's like defensive driving - even if you are the best driver in the whole wide world,
there are all those other drivers out there to worry about. This is defensive online-dating. MOREOVER, IT IS JUST PLAIN SMART!
|
|
|